You Teach People How to Treat You

When I was younger, my mother used to say:

“You teach people how to treat you.”

At the time, I thought it was just about not letting people take advantage of you.

But years later, she clarified what she meant:

That’s when it clicked:

You lead by example—whether you intend to or not; moment by moment, interaction by interaction.

And, if you want people to take your words seriously, your actions better show you mean them.

It’s kind of funny because even though I have a Ph.D. in Organizational Leadership, I learned this lesson early on.

Every Interaction Sends a Signal

So, since the question isn’t whether you’re teaching people how to treat you, what exactly are you teaching them?

• If you constantly overdeliver on vague expectations, you teach others to stay vague.

• If you ignore your own boundaries, you teach others to do the same.

• If you stay silent when your values are violated, you teach people those values are flexible.

• If you tolerate flattery but dodge accountability, you teach people to manipulate, not partner.

But when your actions, expectations, and consequences are aligned, you send a very different message:

“I respect myself enough to be clear—and I expect others to meet me there.”

You’re Setting a Standard—Even When You Say Nothing

Entrepreneurs, experts, and leaders often struggle with this invisible curriculum.

We assume that saying what we believe is enough.

But it’s not. Not even close.

Here’s what people are actually watching:

• Do you respond promptly to people who respect your time, and ignore those who don’t?

• Do you enforce deadlines and expectations for your clients and collaborators, or quietly shift them to accommodate?

• Do you model the communication clarity you expect from others?

I don’t think of this as pressure.

I think of it as an opportunity.

Practical Shifts to Reclaim Your Standards

So, here’s a framework to recalibrate how others engage with you…

1. Anchor expectations in behavior, not intention

Say less about what you “value” and more about what behavior aligns with that value.

Then act in accordance with it.

Instead of: “I value transparency.”

2. Enforce boundaries with calm repetition, not emotional overreaction

Consistency breeds clarity.

Calm enforcement is more powerful than dramatic responses.

Say once. Then reinforce:

3. Audit your accommodations

Where are you overextending, overexplaining, or overdelivering—and training people to expect it?

Ask yourself:

Intentional service builds respect.

Chronic over-accommodation erodes it.

4. Practice micro-repairs instead of silence

Don’t wait for something to blow up.

Address small misalignments early, especially with high-trust collaborators.

Try:

5. Decide what you’re no longer available for

Clarity sharpens influence. Let people adjust or opt out—but don’t dilute your standards to avoid discomfort.

Ask:

Then act in alignment—even if it’s inconvenient.

POLL

In Case You Missed It!

• Grab your Pocket Guide to Impromptu Conversations
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• Make Better Decisions in Minutes—Not Days

• Get early access to 12 Shifts That Make You Instantly More Persuasive 

• Learn the formula for doing deep work in a world of distraction.

• Transform small talk into deeper connections with proven conversation strategies

The Bottom Line

You don’t teach people how to treat you with slogans or inspirational quotes.

You teach them through every boundary you set, reinforce, or ignore.

The good news?

You can update the lesson at any time.

The moment your actions consistently align with your values, you stop negotiating for respect. You start modeling it.

Thanks for reading. Be easy!
Girvin