How to Push Back on Unrealistic Expectations

Hey Fam,

I heard a story last week you may be able to relate to.

A department head got one of those requests that make you wince. Their team needed to roll out new company-wide software.

It's normally an 18-month job.

But the senior leaders wanted it done in 6 months, with half the money, and no extra people.

Sound familiar?

We all know that moment.

• Say yes, and your team suffers for months.
• Say no, and you worry about looking difficult.

Well, what he said next changed how the senior leaders viewed him – for the better.

Instead of the usual “we’ll try our best” or pushback that creates defensiveness, he said something that turned an impossible request into a strategic conversation and a plan that could actually work.

In short, he pushed back professionally.

The most respected leaders aren’t the ones who heroically deliver impossible demands—they’re the ones who skillfully reframe those demands into achievable outcomes.

But far too many leaders view impossible demands as the norm.

And here’s the reality most people miss:

Saying yes to unrealistic expectations isn’t being a team player—it’s setting everyone up to fail.

So, you know I have another framework for you.

S - State the situation objectively
P - Present the implications
E - Explore alternatives
A - Align on priorities
K - Keep the dialogue open

Let’s get it

Think of this as telling a story your grandmother would understand.

Wrong approach: "This is crazy and impossible!"
Right approach: "Here's what we're dealing with right now."

People tune out when emotion takes over. Facts cut through chaos.

Think of this as connecting dots for a friend.

Wrong approach: "Everything will fall apart."
Right approach: "Here's what this means for our team and goals."

People need to see how today's decisions affect tomorrow's results.

Think of this as brainstorming with a buddy.

Wrong approach: "We just can't do it."
Right approach: "Here's what we could do instead."

The best pushback opens new doors instead of slamming them shut.

Think of this as making a shopping list when money's tight.

Wrong approach: "We have to do it all."
Right approach: "Let's choose what matters most right now."

When everything's "urgent," nothing gets done well.

Think of this as staying in touch with a close friend.

Wrong approach: "I'll let you know if there's a problem."
Right approach: "Let's keep checking in as we go."

One good conversation isn't enough. Things change.

Share the truth: "Look, we've done this 12 times before. The fastest we ever did it - even when everything went perfectly - was 16 months with eight people."

Paint the picture: "If we try to do this in six months, we'd be skipping proper testing. That's like building a house and moving in before checking if the roof leaks."

Offer choices: "I see three ways we could make this work better. We could do it in 12 months if we get more help, we could break it into smaller pieces starting with what you need most, or we could aim for some quick wins in the first 6 months while doing the rest right."

Get everyone on the same page: "Let's talk about what matters most to you this quarter. Once we know that, we can build our plan around it."

Keep everyone in the loop: "I'll send you a simple weekly update - what's going well, what's worrying me, and what decisions we need."

When you get good at pushing back thoughtfully, something interesting happens. People don't just respect your limits - they start coming to you for honest conversations about what's possible.

That's how trust grows.

Thanks for reading. Be easy!
Girvin🫡

P.S. Ever turned an impossible ask into a better plan? Hit reply and tell me your story - because real examples help us all grow.

P.P.S If you ask people what soft skills are and which is most important, you may get different answers. Here’s my take.