Your Internal Dialogue Is Killing Your External Opportunities

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Nobody hears how you talk to yourself.

But everyone feels it.

That’s the quiet paradox of influence: you can’t fake the relationship you have with yourself. It leaks through your tone, your timing, your posture, your decisions.

Last year, I got an opportunity I almost didn’t take.

A project with a dream collaborator — exactly the kind of work I’d been waiting for.

My first thought: “They probably meant to contact someone else.”
Second: “I’m not qualified enough for this.”
Third: “If I take it, I’ll mess it up and damage my reputation.”

I nearly declined.
I even drafted a polite “I don’t think I’m the right fit.”

Then I caught myself.

Wait. What am I doing?

They came to me. They think I can do this.
The only person saying I can’t — is me.

That day I realized: the conversation you have with yourself determines the opportunities you see, the risks you take, and the influence you build.

Not your résumé.
Not your network.
Not your experience.

Your internal dialogue.

Because if your inner voice keeps whispering “you’re not ready, you’re not enough, you’ll fail,” that’s exactly what others will sense when they meet you.

Influence dies in that invisible space between what you’re capable of and what you believe you’re capable of.

The Internal Dialogue You Don’t Notice

Think back to the last opportunity you turned down or avoided.
What did you tell yourself about it?

“I’m not ready.”
“I don’t have enough experience.”
“Someone else would do it better.”
“What if I fail?”

Now ask: Did you decline because it truly wasn’t right for you or because your internal dialogue convinced you it wasn’t?

Most of us can’t tell the difference.

Because we don’t hear our inner voice; we believe it.

In psychology, it’s called intrapersonal communication — the ongoing conversation you have with yourself about yourself.

It’s the foundation that every other soft skill stands on: confidence, communication, resilience, empathy.

And for many high performers, it’s quietly sabotaging them.

How to Rewire the Conversation

You can’t change what you don’t notice.

So before you try to “think positive,” start by simply listening to how you talk to yourself when no one’s watching.

Yep, there’s a short framework for that.

Let’s get it…

1) Catch the Narrative.

Notice what you tell yourself right before you decline, hesitate, or hold back. Awareness breaks automaticity.

2) Test It Against Reality.

Ask: “Is this true or just familiar?” Most limiting stories are comfort, not evidence.

3) Reframe Without Pretending.

Don’t fake confidence. Replace “I can’t” with “I haven’t yet.” It’s honest and expansive.

4) Separate Identity from Behavior.

“I’m bad at this” becomes “I haven’t developed this skill yet.” Behavior can change. Identity can’t.

5) Mentor Yourself.

If a mentee said what you tell yourself, would you agree with them? No?
Then why do you agree when you say it?

Here’s What Changed for Me

Before: I filtered out opportunities, projected doubt, and treated setbacks as confirmation of inadequacy.

After: I started questioning narratives, reframing limits, and separating self-worth from outcomes.

Result:

• More opportunities (because I stopped pre-rejecting myself).

• Greater presence (because my energy stopped fighting my own mind).

• Clearer influence (because people feel confidence that isn’t forced).

My external communication didn’t change much.
My internal communication did.

And that changed everything else.

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The Bottom Line

Influence starts long before anyone else hears you.

It begins in the silence of your own mind. In the dialogue that shapes how you show up, speak up, and follow through.

So before you work on sounding more persuasive, becoming more strategic, or improving your delivery, start here:

Clean up the conversation you’re having with yourself about yourself.

Because no matter how strong your résumé, tone, or credentials are, the voice that carries the most weight is the one you hear in private.

And when that voice becomes an ally instead of an adversary, every other soft skill finally has room to show up.

Thanks for reading. Be easy!
Girvin