I’ve noticed a strange tension happening in expert spaces right now.
On one side, you have people who believe authenticity means narrating their every emotion, frustration, and internal conflict the moment it shows up.
They call it “being real.”
On the other side, you have people who believe authenticity requires emotional exposure, so they avoid sharing anything at all.
They call it “being professional.”
And if you're an expert, you’re often stuck trying to influence both groups:
the oversharer, who confuses unfiltered expression with transparency
the withholder, who confuses emotional restraint with professionalism
No surprise… communication becomes harder than it needs to be.
You wanna fly, you got to give up the things that weigh you down.
Not because people are unreasonable, but because they’re using different definitions of authenticity.
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So What Does REAL Authenticity Look Like for Experts?
My simple definition:
Authenticity is clear, intentional communication that aligns with your values and serves the moment.
Not “tell all.”
Not “tell nothing.”
Tell what matters.
It’s presence, not performance.
It’s perspective, not exposure.
It’s clarity, not confession.
But knowing what authenticity is doesn’t always make it easier to practice, especially when emotions are high, stakes are real, and different personalities react in different ways.
That’s where a little structure helps.
Not rigid rules.
Just a few grounding anchors that keep you honest, steady, and easy to follow.
Of course, I’ve got a framework for you.
The 3-Part Framework for Authentic, Influential Communication
I lean on these three moves to help stay human, stay credible, and stay in the “clear & grounded” middle while influencing the oversharer and the withholder without conflict:
Bounded Honesty
Behavior-Based Clarity
The 10% Rule
Let’s get it…
1. Model “Bounded Honesty” (Signal Meaning, Not Emotion)
Honesty isn’t about revealing everything. It’s about revealing the part that’s useful.
Bounded honesty means:
You acknowledge reality
You protect psychological safety
You express clear ideas, not just emotions.
Instead of: “Honestly, I’m stressed, frustrated, and overwhelmed.”
Use: “Here’s what’s creating pressure. Here’s what I’m prioritizing. Here’s what I recommend next.”
It’s human and stabilizing.
2. Label the Behavior, Not the Person (Influence Without Escalating)
Oversharers often feel unseen.
Withholders often fear misinterpretation.
You can influence both by anchoring to behavior, never identity or emotion.
Use structure without shame:
“I appreciate the context. To help us solve this, can we zoom in on the core issue?”
This recenters the conversation without invalidating them.
When someone withholds
Invite clarity without pressure:
“Your perspective would add value here — what’s your take?”
This creates psychological permission without forcing vulnerability.
3. Use the “10% Rule” (Connect Without Collapsing Boundaries)
Most withdrawers under-express.
Most oversharers over-express.
The 10% Rule solves both:
Share the 10% that builds connection — not the 100% that creates confusion.
This 10% might be:
a sentence about context
a quick acknowledgment of challenge
a principle guiding your view
a value shaping your decision
It’s your humanity — curated with intention.
For example:
“I’m feeling the pressure too, and here’s how I’m thinking about the path forward.”
It’s Honest.
Grounded.
In control.
So, before speaking, ask:
“Am I sharing this to clarify or to unload?”
“Will this help others understand the situation or just understand my emotion?”
If it clarifies → say it.
If it unloads → process privately, then share the insight later.
Authenticity isn’t about saying more or less. It’s about saying what’s true in the way that’s most useful.
LEVEL UP
AI Prompt: A Nuanced Authenticity Filter for Experts
Copy, paste, and complete this in your favorite LLM:
Act as my Executive Communication Advisor. I’ll paste something I plan to say or share;a message, meeting input, update, or story.
Analyze it using the following criteria:
1. Bounded Honesty:
— Identify where I’m sharing emotion instead of meaning.
— Flag any phrasing that shifts the emotional load onto the audience.
— Suggest revisions that preserve the truth while stabilizing the tone.
2. Behavior-Based Clarity:
— Highlight any lines that sound like judgments of people instead of behaviors.
— Show me how to reframe those statements so they create safety, not defensiveness.
— Provide language that would help me redirect oversharers or draw out withholders.
3. The 10% Rule:
— Evaluate whether I’m sharing too much, too little, or the right amount.
— Identify the 10% that builds connection and cut the 90% that creates confusion.
— Recommend what to keep, what to remove, and what to clarify.
Then:
— Rewrite my message using these three principles.
— Strengthen the clarity of my reasoning and the stability of my tone.
— Ensure the final version communicates with honesty, boundaries, and composure.
— Provide a one-sentence summary explaining why your revision increases my influence.POLL
When it comes to “authenticity” at work, which challenge do you face most?
CURATED ROUNDUP
What to Review This Week
Watch: Emotional Intelligence: The #1 ability for leaders by Daniel Goleman
Read: No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work by Liz Fosslien and Molly Duffy
Listen: How to speak so that people listen by Mel Robbins Podcast
Tool: Get instant access to the Difficult Conversations Navigator.
In Case You Missed It!
The Bottom Line
Being “real” doesn’t require being raw. Being “professional” doesn’t require being silent.
And experts can lose influence by sharing too much or by sharing too little.
Real influence lives in the middle. In the ability to communicate with honesty, boundaries, clarity, and emotional steadiness.
When you master this balance:
you connect without collapsing
you lead without performing
you’re human without losing authority
you influence without forcing influence
I think this is the version of authenticity the modern workplace actually needs.
Thanks for reading. Be easy!
Girvin
P.S. - Fun facts about me…I love Haiku and still collect Garbage Pail Kids. If you are into either, send me a thumbs up, or better yet, a haiku or a card you’ve collected.
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